Sextortion: what it is, and exactly what to do if it happens to you
Someone you met online threatens to share intimate images unless you pay. It is called sextortion, it targets teens and adults alike, and the way out is clear: don't pay, don't panic, save the evidence, and tell someone. Here is how it works and what to do — step by step.
If you or someone you know is being targeted: don’t pay, don’t panic, and don’t face it alone. Block the person, keep the evidence, tell someone you trust, and report it to the FBI at tips.fbi.gov or 1-800-CALL-FBI. In the US, you can reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline any time by calling or texting 988.
Sextortion is one of the cruelest scams there is, because it doesn’t run on greed — it runs on shame. And it is widespread and dangerous enough that it deserves to be understood before it ever reaches you or someone you love.
What sextortion is
In financially motivated sextortion, a predator poses as someone else online — often an attractive peer — to coax a victim into sending sexually explicit images or video, then “immediately demand payment or threaten to release the photo to the victim’s family and friends.” The FBI notes victims are “typically males between the ages of 14 to 17, but any child can become a victim” — and adults are targeted too. The approach can look like a flirtatious match, a new follower, or a friendly stranger; the turn to images, and then to threats, can happen in hours.
It often begins the same way as a romance scam or a fake dating profile — a stranger who seems interested, moves fast, and steers the conversation somewhere private.
Why paying makes it worse
The instinct, in the panic of the moment, is to pay and make it disappear. It doesn’t. The FBI could not be clearer: “Paying the criminals doesn’t make the scheme stop. They’ll continue to ask for more money.” The FTC says the same — “ignore their demands and don’t pay them,” because the person is “using threats, intimidation, and high pressure tactics to trick you out of your money.”
A payment doesn’t buy silence; it marks you as someone who pays. The way the threats actually end is by cutting off the money and bringing in the people who can act — not the scammer, but law enforcement.
The shame is the weapon
Everything about sextortion is engineered to keep you isolated: the secrecy, the humiliation, the sense that telling anyone would be unbearable. That isolation is the scam’s only real power. Strip it away and the threat collapses.
So the most important step is also the hardest: tell someone. The FBI’s direct message to victims is worth repeating — “You are not alone, and this is not your fault.” The people who help with this — a parent, a counselor, an FBI agent — are not shocked by it; they see it constantly, and their entire focus is on stopping the person threatening you.
If it’s happening right now: block, save, tell, report
There’s a clear sequence, drawn straight from the FBI and FTC guidance:
- Stop paying and stop sending. Don’t send money, more images, or anything else.
- Block, but don’t delete. “Block the predator from contacting you,” the FBI says — and “don’t delete any communication, even if it is embarrassing.” Save profiles, messages, usernames, and payment details as evidence.
- Tell someone you trust. A parent, friend, or counselor. Saying it out loud ends the secrecy the scam depends on.
- Report it. Contact the FBI at tips.fbi.gov or 1-800-CALL-FBI, and the FTC at ReportFraud.ftc.gov. For anyone under 18, the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children (NCMEC) can also help — including its Take It Down service, which helps get explicit images of minors removed.
What to do — and where to get help
The free move is the whole move here, and it lives in Freeze & Report: stop the bleeding, keep the evidence, and report it to people who can act. Don’t let urgency push you into paying — that pressure is the scam, and The Pause on Money applies just as much to a blackmail demand as to any other. For the romance-style approach these often start with, see how to spot a fake dating profile and romance scam warning signs. For more, see our defense moves. Above all: you are not alone, this is not your fault, and help is one trusted conversation away.
- Someone you met online quickly turns a friendly or flirtatious chat toward sexual images or video.
- After you share something — or sometimes even before — they threaten to send it to your family, friends, or followers unless you pay.
- They demand fast payment in gift cards, wire transfer, or cryptocurrency, and pile on shame, panic, and deadlines.
- Don't pay and don't send more. Paying does not make it stop — it tells them you'll pay again.
- Block the person, but don't delete the chats, profiles, or images: that evidence helps investigators identify them.
- Tell someone you trust — a parent, friend, or counselor. You are not alone, and this is not your fault.
- Report it: to the FBI at tips.fbi.gov or 1-800-CALL-FBI, and the FTC at ReportFraud.ftc.gov. For anyone under 18, also contact NCMEC.
- If you feel overwhelmed or in crisis, call or text 988 (US Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) — you are not alone, and this is not your fault.
This is the hardest scam to write about, because its fuel isn’t greed or even fear of loss — it’s shame, aimed often at teenagers who feel they can never tell a soul. So if you read nothing else: it is not your fault, and the people who can actually help are not impressed or shocked — they deal with this every day. The single most powerful thing a victim can do is the thing the scammer is most afraid of — tell one trusted person and stop paying. The threat loses almost all its power the moment it stops being a secret.
Frequently asked
If I just pay, won't the problem go away?
No — paying almost always makes it worse. The FBI is explicit: "Paying the criminals doesn't make the scheme stop. They'll continue to ask for more money." Cooperating with the demand rarely ends the blackmail, but law enforcement can. The moment you pay, you've confirmed you're a paying target, and the threats continue. Stopping the money is the first step to stopping the scam.
I'm too embarrassed to tell anyone. What should I do?
The embarrassment is the weapon — the whole scheme runs on shame and isolation, on you feeling you have to handle it alone and in secret. You don't. The FBI's message to victims is direct: "You are not alone, and this is not your fault." Tell one person you trust — a parent, a friend, a counselor — and report it. Saying it out loud to someone safe is what breaks the scammer's only real hold over you. If you're in crisis, you can call or text 988 in the US to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
Should I just delete everything and block them?
Block them — but don't delete. The FBI advises you to "block the predator from contacting you" while keeping the evidence: "Don't delete any communication, even if it is embarrassing." Save the profile, the messages, the usernames, and any payment details. Those records are what let investigators identify and stop the person, and they cost you nothing to keep while you cut off contact.